


someone needs to stop them

by amateurexorcist



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexual Natasha Romanov, Because I DO WHAT I WANT, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Crack, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Snakes, Trans Peter Parker, Twitter, Will Add Tags As They Become Relevant, also because i do what i want, canon? never heard of her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21827659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amateurexorcist/pseuds/amateurexorcist
Summary: the spooder* @OfficialSpider_Man@jeremeyjacks1995 You buffoon, you fool. You have just made a grave mistake.Captain America* @OfficialSteve_Rogers@jeremeyjacks1995, @OfficialSpider_Man I'm bisexual you absolute moron.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 306





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> fuck canon
> 
> will i ever stop writing characters as lgbt+?? no

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man  
_

June is finally here, and happy pride to everyone! I'll be at the parade in my suit to say hello to ya'll!! Have a great week and remember to drink water! #nycpride

**jjslide** _@jeremyjacks1995_

_@OfficialSpider_Man_ Disgusting, I expected better of you. Aren't superheros supposed to be good role models for our youth? Instead you're just corrupting them.

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@jeremyjacks1995_ https://www.dailydot.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/olli-the-polite-cat.jpg _  
_

**jjslide** _@jeremyjacks1995_

_@OfficialSpider_Man_ That is all you have to say for yourself? Sending a childish cat picture? Grow up. I bet @OfficialSteve_Rogers knows what I'm talking about, back in his day men were still men and women were still women.

**the spooder*** @OfficialSpider_Man

_@jeremeyjacks1995_ You buffoon, you fool. You have just made a grave mistake.

**Captain America*** @OfficialSteve_Rogers

_@jeremeyjacks1995, @OfficialSpider_Man_ I'm bisexual you absolute moron.

**Daily Globe*** _@DailyGlobe_

Steve Rogers is bisexual

**Daily Bugle*** _@DailyBugle_

Captain America comes out as bisexual during a Twitter Argument.

**The Guardian*** _@TheGuardian_

Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America, has came out of the closet.

**The Pulse*** _@ThePulse_

Steve Rogers is a proud member of the lgbt community.

**no heteros in my spaghettios** _@LauraJeanM_

I wish I had the raw energy of "I'm bisexual you absolute moron."

**The Avengers*** _@Official_Avengers_

A very happy pride from us!

[A picture is attached. Bucky and Steve stand off to the left, their arms around each other in a way that suggests something more than friendship or brotherhood, a bi pride flag is draped over Steve's shoulders, and a gay pride flag over Bucky's. Towards the right of the picture, there is a couch. Natasha sits on it, drinking coffee from a coffee mug with the asexual pride flag on it. To her right is Spider-Man in full suit, he is perched up on the back of the couch and is holding up a trans flag.]

**CathyCat** _@transandpans_

_@Official_Avengers_ I elect Spider-Man as the king of the trans community.

**blueberrypancakes** _@ReincarnationofCthulhu_

_@Official_Avengers @transandpans_ I second that.

**queerqueenxoxo** _@MollyB_

_@Official_Avengers_ We stan.

**cindyslithers** _@oblongtrees_

_@Official_Avengers_ Captain America and The Winter Soldier are dating?? Like good for them I'm just surprised. I've boasted about how good my gaydar is and I didn't have a clue.

**Captain America*** @OfficialSteve_Rogers

_@oblongtrees_ In the 40s, you had to be good at hiding stuff like that. Old habits die hard.

**jjslide** _@jeremyjacks1995_

_@Official_Avengers_ I can't believe that this is what our country has come to.

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@jeremyjacks1995_ literally get a life

**cindyslithers** _@oblongtrees_

The Winter Noodle

[Pictured is a ball python. It is wearing a long, black tube that looks like it was hand-sewed to fit the snake. Towards the top, along the right of the the snake's body, a rectangle of the black fabric had been cut away and replaced with a shiny silverish material, a small red star had been painted on top of the rectangle.]

**Bucky** _@Official_Buck_

_@oblongtrees_ Cute.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 99% of my brain: work on your wips. especially the one that has 1 chapter left and hasnt been updated since november
> 
> lizard brain: c r a c k f i c

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

catt

*A picture is attached. It is a cat. The cat is a ginger tabby, and has no collar. The cat is laying on a bed. Behind the cat is a large window that overlooks the city.

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@OfficialSpider_Man_ Kid, is that your room at the tower? With a cat in it?

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@Iron_Man_ maybe

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@OfficialSpider_Man_ Kid. Sorry but I'm not going to let you keep a cat in the tower

**Bucky** _@Official_Buck_

_@Iron_Man_ _@OfficialSpider_Man_ Can I keep a cat in the tower?

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@Official_Buck_ _@OfficialSpider_Man_ Since when did you have a twitter??

**Bucky** _@Official_Buck_

_@Iron_Man @OfficialSpider_Man_ 18 hours ago when I commented on _@oblongtrees_ snake picture. Can I keep her? She's really clean and friendly, so she's probably just a house-cat that got out. We can just hold onto her until her owners show up and provide some kind of proof that she is theirs.

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@Official_Buck_ _@OfficialSpider_Man_ You seem pretty enthusiastic

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@Iron_Man @Official_Buck_ please mr stark she's a good girl. very nice kitty. very gentle. she keeps grabbing bucky's metal arm in her paws and licking the fingers.

**Bucky** _@Official_Buck_

_@Iron_Man @OfficialSpider_Man_ And of course, once the furry-friend has decided to sit on you, you are legally obligated not to move.

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@Official_Buck @OfficialSpider_Man_ Just... Push her off your lap, Barnes

**Bucky** _@Official_Buck_

_@Iron_Man @OfficialSpider_Man_ Are you telling me to commit a crime, Anthony? I'm on parole.

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@Official_Buck_ Hey _@OfficialSpider_Man_ where did you find her anyway?

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@Iron_Man @Official_Buck_ She followed me around on patrol and pounced a guy that was trying to stab me. Therefore, superhero.

**THE Bucky Barnes responded to me once** _@oblongtrees_

_@Iron_Man @OfficialSpider_Man @Official_Buck_ It's Spider-cat!

**no heteros in my spaghettios** _@LauraJeanM_

_@Iron_Man @OfficialSpider_Man @Official_Buck_ #SpiderCat

**queerqueenxoxo** _@MollyB_

Rt

**blueberrypancakes** _@ReincarnationofCthulhu_

Rt

**CathyCat** _@transandpans_

Rt

**Captain America*** @OfficialSteve_Rogers

Rt

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@Official_Buck_ Fine. Any cat that saved _@OfficialSpider_Man_ 's life is good in my book. She can stay until we find her real owner.

_Trending:_

_1: #SpiderCat_

_2: #NYCWebSlinger_

_3: #FindSpiderCatsHome_

**Professional Asshole** _@profj_

Nobody:

Not a single soul:

_@OfficialSpider_Man_ crawling through my window at 2 am: hey do you have any beans??

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@profj_ THAT WAS ONE TIME

**Professional Asshole** _@profj_

_@OfficialSpider_Man_ one time too many

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@profj_ Excuse me who are you?

**Professional Asshole** _@profj_

_@Iron_Man_ I am cthulhu, and _whomst_ are you

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@Iron_Man @profj_ mr stark leave her alone :(

**Professional Asshole** _@profj_

_@Iron_Man @OfficialSpider_Man_ This is why spidey is my favorite superhero!!

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@Iron_Man @profj_!! :)

**Tony Stark*** _@Iron_Man_

_@profj_ I'm serious how do you know _@OfficialSpider_Man_

**Professional Asshole** _@profj_

_@Iron_Man @OfficialSpider_Man_ You don't get to ask, I've known him for longer than you, Mr. "I own 5% of the world's wealth." I should be asking you the same damn question

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@Iron_Man_ _@profj_ mr stark i look up to you and all and you were my idol when i was little, but like. she was my first enhanced friend. so im really conflicted

**Professional Asshole** _@profj_

_@OfficialSpider_Man_ _@Iron_Man_ Oh sorry bud. Hows the cat by the way?

**the spooder*** _@OfficialSpider_Man_

_@Iron_Man @profj_ shes good! _@Official_Buck_ and _@CEOPotts_ are her third and fourth favorites. sorry you got demoted, but I remain 1st and our friend is still 2nd

**Professional Asshole** _@profj_

_@OfficialSpider_Man @Iron_Man_ Okay, didn't think I could compete against either of them anyway.

**The Avengers*** _@Official_Avengers_

_#SpiderCat_ will be staying in the tower indefinitely. Her name is Goose, and it was decided by the former owner of Goose that she was more comfortable in the Tower than she was formerly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my dad called steve a traitor and bucky a murderer. which got me a bit fired up
> 
> but he also kept dissing nat so. his opinion is void


End file.
